My Body’s Not a Wonderland

Yes, John Mayer may have been talking about a significant other at the time when he was singing about “Your Body is a Wonderland” and probably not about the aftereffects of Crossfit training, but hey… Artistic license.

No, not this Wonderland.

So last week I talked about adding a bit of additional work with Coach Nicole. Well, Monday night rolled around and my Monday lent itself to an evening workout (darn that thing called work). As a result, I headed up to Nicole’s with Ev and AJ last night.

We had another three-pronged setup… warm-up, accessory work, and then the main event.


The warm-up wasn’t too bad:

  • Row 500m
  • A bit of rolling/smashing of forearms and calves (or in Ev’s case, her glutes)
  • A few scorpion stretches
  • A handful of hamstring stretches
  • Some couch stretches
  • and some squat hold with a KB press

Nothing too heavy. All body work, stretching and positioning. And I won’t deny that it got a bit hairy in the second half of each couch stretch where we were more upright. 🙂



Then we got to the accessory work where I began to really question my life choices. Ok, that’s a stretch really. But what Nicole calls “monster walks” was a challenge in some interesting ways.

  • 3 rounds
    • 10 pike inchworms
    • 15 dumbbell RDLs (Romanian Deadlifts)
    • Monster Walks (20 each forward, backward, left to right, right to left)

Let me start by saying that the inchworms were interesting. We went a bit wider with our feet, “walked” our hands down to a traditional high plank, leaned forward on our toes and shifting our shoulders forward of our hands (good wrist stretch), then tip toed our way back up to our hands and did it again. It was more like 8 of these — 4 up and 4 back.

Dumbbell RDLs weren’t too bad. I think I used a pair of 20# dumbbells.

fronkenschteen-800pxAnd then there’s the “Monster Walks.” Geez. Who knew moving in a banded position would be so challenging? If you’ve done a Good Morning with a band (i.e. Banded Good Mornings — good description here), you essentially stay straight and rise and fall to stretch your hammies. Well, with a Monster Walk you get into a Banded Good Morning position, crouch in a partial squat, keep your chest tall and straight, and try to walk in a given direction.

Keeping the band around the balls of my feet got to be a bit of hilarity during this movement. Moving forward wasn’t bad but backward showed how little trust I have in moving that direction. The true challenge came in moving side to side. Holy cow.

I felt like an old man shuffling around and had surprisingly little control. Left to right wasn’t as bad as right to left though. Woof. Three rounds and I was sweating like a pig.


There were two parts to the workout itself. We started with some Pendlay or Upright Rows with a barbell.

  • Pendlay Row – 6-6-6-6-6

Not one of my favorite movements but we made it work. Very light weight.

  • 95# – 95# – 115# – 115# – 125#


Breathing was a challenge, not to mention getting my shoulder blades pinched in my back. I can see my shoulders out of the corner of my eye and turn them the right directions, but feeling the shoulder blade activate and pinch together has always been a bit of a challenge. As you might expect, I compensate for this in various ways that my body probably doesn’t appreciate.

But we made it through that and then started the next challenge.

We did three rounds of:

  • 6/6 half-kneel, 1 arm strict press (DB or KB) with a 3 second descent back to the shoulder (fast up, slow down)
  • 6/6 1 arm ring rows
  • and a 15 second parallette hold with a fun extension at the top

deadpool-2-poster-flashdance-01-480x320I was surprised at the half-kneel position more than the strict press. We were supposed to put as much of our weight as possible on that front bent knee. Sort of a lunge. For balance, I felt it more in the back knee than anything. It was an interesting position to try and stay in for 6 reps on each side.

The one-arm ring rows weren’t awful.

And then there was the parallette pose. This was not a core pose. It was a backward pose sort of like the Flashdance pose Deadpool is in in the photo. Arms behind, feet in front, with full extension of the shoulders and chest.

NONE of this was with heavy weight. We instead were focusing on isolating different muscle groups and playing with getting both sides to be nice to one another. In my case, that was a struggle to be sure.


We did some cool down mobility work when we were done and then headed home for a late dinner. All was good.

A few hours later, I discovered a pain in my right side that manifest after my body cooled down. It seems (to my brain dead anatomy knowledge) to be the lat towards the lower part near the bottom of the rib cage. A bit of Deep Blue helped, but it’s definitely pissed off today.

Something tells me my right side is a little overprotective of his less developed brother, the left side. This is a big reason I have been working with Nicole – to get those two sides talking again. Right now I’m so right side dominant it’s crazy when I try to do things with the left — sort of like it belongs to a different person who just happens to be trapped inside my body. Crazy, ain’t it?

So it doesn’t surprise me that my body is rebelling against this new assault. I wish I knew which part of the workout may have set it off (guessing maybe the one-armed ring rows), but am babying it a bit today and we’ll see how the next couple of days go.

By the way, my wife kicked my butt at that workout. Just sayin’. 🙂

Thanks Nicole!


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