Every once in a while you have a day where your heart simply isn’t in it. You put on a good face. Joke around with folks even. But something just ain’t right in the brain.
Well, today apparently was that day.
I thought I did all the right things. I slept better last night after 3 mostly sleepless nights of tossing and turning with the wind banging things around outside. I ate breakfast. And I went in with a positive outlook.
Ev and I were joined by Clare, Jenny, and Carrie for the 8:30 class with Coach Bill. He had a good attitude. Everyone else seemed to be in a good mood.
We started with some foam rolling and then did a 400m jog. I felt good during my jog and jetted out in front of everyone else on the 1st half of the run, which gained some grief from everybody else. That was fine.
We got back inside and did 3 rounds of:
- 20 seconds of hollow body holds
- 20 seconds of push-ups
- 20 seconds of V-Ups
Then we did a bit of work on handstand push-ups. We held on the wall, did some series with HSPUs, and then I felt my attitude shift.
You know the feeling when you approach something and you know you won’t be able to do it? Yes, I know I’m not supposed to do that any more. I’m supposed to start with a beginner’s mind (Zen style) and approach every activity like a new person experiencing it for the very first time.
Rope climb failures have been with me since elementary school. The Saturday workout in which I managed a legless rope climb was a complete fluke where I was very distracted and just did it before I thought about it.
I had already been thinking about it for a while by the time I got to the box. And apparently I made up my mind. I was going to fail.
Guess what. I was right.
The workout itself was pretty straightforward:
- 7 rounds for time of:
- 10 handstand push-ups
- 2 rope ascents, 15-ft. rope
Easy enough, right?
Yeah, not so much. My handstand push-ups were ok for a couple of rounds and fell apart quickly as I struggled to get down to a single mat and even just kick up on the wall after a while.
And the rope climbs. Geez. J-hook. Spanish wrap. Didn’t matter. I could jump a ways up, flounder with my feet, and not get anywhere. Towards the end I think I had a few successful attempts where I had the Spanish wrap sort of working, but my feet were slipping.
I could see other folks locking their feet to the point where they could “stand” on the rope. Mine just slipped again and again. Even when I “got” the Spanish wrap, it didn’t feel secure to me.
And every time I failed, I laughed about it and moved on, but inwardly I was beating myself up. The critic is back folks and he’s speaking loudly with swear words.
I figure if I can battle back and exhibit a cheerful outer state of being, perhaps it will eventually filter to the inner state. And I at least didn’t infect anyone with my piss poor internal monologue today.
It’s not just with this workout, but the last few days have seen me grow more and more doubting with myself at work, with my writing, and just generally. Not sure why.
So in an attempt to change the tone a bit, I’d like to express some gratitude. Everybody in the 8:30 class had an awesome attitude. Bill beams with positivity. Carrie was just fun to watch fly up and down the rope. Jenny & Clare chugged right along on all cylinders. And Ev fought through her own frustrations with handstands to work on the various progressions that Bill had her working on.
Thank you to all of you. You’re awesome.
Now I’ll go back to wrestling with my inner critic. We’ll see who wins.